"I'm Vicki & I am NOT smarter than a 5 year old!" .................. Thanks Jax!

Jackson & I are driving to the Grandparents house, just chillin', talking, having a few minutes of one on one Momma / Jackson time - when out of left field the kid yanks the rug out from under me by basically letting me know I am a dumb ass (not in those exact words).  The conversation went like this:

Jackson: "Momma - can I open my Starburst?!"

Momma: "Jax, you havent had dinner, but since I want some too, go for it" - "I ONLY like the Yellow, Pink & Orange ones - nothing else, so just give me some of those."

Jackson: (long pause) "So - you don't want RED?"

Momma: "Yea - NO Red, you KNOW how I feel about Cherry flavoring."

Jackson: "Let me see if I understand you just told me you want, Yellow, Pink & Orange - I get that - But why did you need to tell me allllllll the colors you DO like - when you could have just said "I don't like Red" you told me 3 sentences more than you had to to get the flavors you like, since Red is the ONLY one you hate."

Momma: "Ummm .. (insert pause & dumbfounded look) .. Your RIGHT kiddo - I'm kinda an idiot."  "How do you know these things?  How did you get smarter than ME?"

Jackson: "Nick teaches me things!"

I'm not sure why this conversation effected my brain to the level it did, but I now will be permanently scared, thinking I am less intelligent than my 5yr old son!  He has yet to even go to school!  By the time he's in 4th grade I will feel downright retarded !!!

Dr. Jackson B. Sensabaugh

All is calm. The kid's are outside playing nicely with each other. Dad & I are discussing the local news over too sweet coffee, then all hell breaks loose!   Julianne can be heard screaming - as if she may die.  Jackson burst through the door announcing "I've got this - I just need a Band-Aid, for Julie".  Before Grandpa or I can react he has retrieved a Band-Aid & it back out the door in a flash.  No more than 2 minutes later Julie is in the kitchen, blood already seeping through her Band-Aid, freshly applied by 1 minute older Big Brother's First-Aid kit.  Dad & I come to a quick agreement, that this wound needs more than 5yr old Doctoring.  We remove the haphazardly applied treatment from her palm to find, loose skin, dirt & a rock along with blood & goo!  Gramp's  is better with this kinda thing than I - so I insist he take over care at this point.  Julie screams like a wild animal while Dad removes excess skin, cleans about half of the dirt out & re-bandages her!  We hope she won't have to have her hand amputated, but since Dr. Jackson did a botched job the 1st go round it's a toss up at this point!  <3

Just Stuff ..

Yesterday was a pretty good day, which is rare lately!  I had a job interview - hopefully the loooooved me!  Paid my seat belt ticket (Thanks Mom).  The twins were amazingly good all day yesterday!  Had dinner with some of my fav's - I cooked, not KiKi - so it was edible!  Dadda called last night, it was late - but the kid's were actually still awake.  Julie had happy tears streaming down her beautiful little face, Jackson told him all about starting T Ball.  It was amazing, to see my kiddo's fall asleep smiling from ear to ear!  *Sigh* Why does life have to be so hard?? .............................. Anyway - I had told the kid's last night on our way home how proud I was of them for being so good yesterday!  I had a moment of stupidity & promised them that IF I  get the job, when I get paid I will take them to "Build A Bear" & they can make whatever kind they want & pick out a rockin' outfit for their new buddy.  My MISTAKE - Why do I even bother try'n to be Super Momma?!  Today they are right back to their normal, everyday bullshit!!!  Fighting with each other.  Getting smart with me.  Julie kicking Jackson's plate of french fry's & ketchup out of his hand (Yes - I made fry's for breakfast - don't judge me!).  Jackson wailing that "Everyone HATE'S Me".  I need Xanax with my Coffee & it's only 9:38 am!  Happy Wednesday people!  Wish me Luck!

"MOM!! It's Hair"

Let's give you a little bit of background on what exactly is a "Hair".  Hair (AKA Chris) is my Bestie!  He's the Best (most of the time).  Hair likes spending time with his Family (ha - not so much).  He like cupcakes.  Hair is a the funniest person on the planet, he's excessively tall, and he has insane hair (thus the nickname). He's the worst babysitter ever.  Okay - there's your background!  

Driving down the road just like 10 minutes ago, there are *4* cop cars, blue lights & all.  Some poor kid is getting hooked & booked on the side of the road.  Julie is in the back seat & automatically screams "MOM!!!  That's HAIR", Momma starts laughing her ass off, "No Julz, just because that dude is really tall, has funny hair & looks like a stoner, that does NOT mean it's Hair - that's not Hair" ... To shut her up, I had to text my BFF to ensure he was indeed a free man, not currently being arrested on the side of the road!  No worries, he's not in jail - he's saving that for Easter Sunday!

Hair if your reading (you better be), I'd totally bail you out of jail!! 

If I don't feed them, they say they are calling CPS!

Why must my kids insist on eating so often?!  I mean damn, I went to Wal~Hell, I bought groceries!  We were hungry - so they even got 700lbs of JUNK FOOD!  Come home, let them play outside, give baths.  Then they demand I feed them too - apparently someone told them if I don't feed em' it's "Child Abuse" (Thanks for that MOM - I blame you!).  I give in & start to Microwave some of those super healthy chicken & smiley face fry things.  Anyway ..... While I'm "cooking" I hear them, on the porch talking to a man - super Momma runs to the door, of course they are talking to a COP (a real live police man) - he was telling them how lucky they were to not have to go to school on such a pretty day, they we're tellin him how their Momma refuses to feed them (assholes).  Have my kids not learned ANYTHING from me?!  NEVER NEVER NEVER willingly speak to Johnny Law!

Sleep .. Or in MY case the lack there of !!

Like most Momma's out there I am seriously sleep deprived .  The best sleep I've had in the past year was the other night at my friends Jenna & Justin's crib .. Sure I was passed out intoxicated, but I take quality sleep where I can get it!  Last night no booze + 3 wee ones = NO SLEEP!  Jackson giggled all night long.  Cooper farted, passed gas all night long.  And the most upsetting, Julianne - she told me as she was falling asleep that she was thinking about Jordan to help her sleep.  I adore Jordan, I really do, but my gosh - she's 5!!  What is gonna happen when she get's boobs & hormones?!  Sigh - I guess it's birth control at an early age for my miniature beauty!!

<3

Happy Birthday Manny !!

Today was my friend Victoria's Son Manny's 2nd Birthday (I THINK he's 2, irrelevant, I digress). Victoria has 3 kids all age 7 and under, a Hubby that has SUPER COOL hair. And Pet's.  I sometimes ask myself  "How does she do it all", today for instance at the party, she looked beautiful, she looked like she had showered, took the time to find clothes that matched, hair & makeup we're flawless. She had 7 Million people in her house, 6 Million of those people we're miniature (okay 15 kids + parents). .............  Sorry, had to take a bitch break - Jackson, Julz & Cooper may not make it thru the night! Where was I?!  .... Oh! The answer to my Question "How does she do it all" How do you keep your house clean, your kids looking fabulous, your husband from embarrassing the shit out of you in front of company all while pulling off a Birthday Bash?!?!  The answer: Vodka (for the big peeps) & A Giant Blow-Up INDOOR Bouncy thing (for those under 4'9).

P.S. - I didn't drink a drop (Imagine THAT).  I have got to teach Victoria to purchase DIET Soda!!

<3 Happy Birthday Manny <3