The "Incident" ... Kristin: 0 Mr. / Creepy: 1

We all know them, that one guy that no matter how nice & genuine he may in fact be, he gives you the damn creeps!  Well, as luck would have it I had to be hospitalized over the weekend.  A certain Mr Creepy works there & he is someone my Sister & I avoid like the plague!  And believe it or not, my health way NOT #1 priority for my Dear Sister!  

The list of priority was as follows

1.  AVOID Mr. Creepy *Insert Shuddering HERE*

2.  Don't let Vicki DIE

Normally I would have a problem with this list.  But not the case this time.  She was RIGHT - and with good reason.  

I had to make a trip to the Ladies Room to piss in a cup (ha Ladies Room, followed directly by the word piss! I digress.) we headed for the bathroom & made it safely by hiding behind Chris, Kristin's wonderful Hubby.  On the way back to my wonderful accommodations there in the ER, he spotted us!  We acted like it never happened, then I got a dreaded text - It said & I quote ..... "I C U"  .. Followed by our in unison screams of pure terror "OMG!  Nooooooo!!  HELP - Chris, Do SOMETHING"  .. Our cries went unheard.  Then it happened, he came to visit.  We were friendly to him, he was very nice, concerned about me, he even got me some water ( I was shocked he didn't slip me a Roofie).  He stands there talking & leering at us for like an hour or so give or take a few minutes, and leaves.  All is well in our world, now we only have to try not to let me kick the bucket! Chris left & Kristin went to the bathroom, I was frightened to be alone, however, I shouldn't have been scared - SHE should have been - if I've told her once, I've told her a million times - SAFETY IN NUMBERS!!!  Anyway - she went to the bathroom right, she was doing bathroom business, as she was about to finish up said 'business' the door flies OPEN & who do you think is standing there ????  Ding Ding!  You guessed it! Mr Creepy!!!  He promptly closed the door, and didn't run away like a normal person, he stood outside & waited his turn.  When Kristin emerged (after she searched the ceiling for an alternate escape route), Mr Creepy said to her "At least it was someone you know." .. I don't know about you all, but Id rather some stranger walk in on me, rather than someone I have to SEE again!  ................  She comes to my room, she looks strange, she just starts talking, telling me the very story I am telling you & looking horrified!  Being  the amazing Sister I am, I first called bullshit on her story.  And once she convinced me it did indeed happen, I laughed my ass off, not WITH her mind you - AT HER!  ....  So - I guess the lesson of the day is : LOCK THE DAMN DOOR & Mr Creepy will not see you doing you're business !!!!  

I love you KiKi !

WeeOnes with Weapons !! *Starring Jackson & Cooper*

"Jackson has WHAAAAAAT??"

Right off I do not know what to do with the newly gained info of Jackson being in possession of a knife- I know I must proceed with extreme caution!  I automatically start a frisk search, I give him no notice this is about to go down, he could use the advance notice to plan a story or hide evidence.  I go straight for the pockets - and yes, there is indeed a pocket knife in there (score 1 for Momma) .. "Jackson, WHY do you have Nick's knife?" .. "Cooper said we should borrow them." .. "Borrow THEM?  Is there another knife, where is the damn knife, hand it over" .. Nick now decides its a good time to advise me: "Umm - I'm missing a black one too" .. Jackson is all "Cooper has IT" .. Great - the plot thickens!  I now have to call Baby Sista & advise her that her spawn is armed & potentially dangerous, this should be fun! .. I call .. Cooper answers the phone - great - straight to the source, gotta love cutting out the middle man!  Cooper: "Hellllllo Aunt Wikki" .. Aunt Wikii (ME) "Hey Baby - Did you 'borrow' (you little thief) one if Nick's pocket knives?" Cooper: "yeeeeah."  Wikki: "Do you still have it with you?"  Cooper: "yeeeeah." ......... Wikki: "Let me speak to your Mother" --- Dear Sista: "Sup Witchfest?"  .. Witchfest (also ME - whats with the names??): "Cooper has a KNIFE in his possession!!"  (For those of you who do not know Cooper, you have no idea how tragically this could end!) .. Dear Sista: "Vicki, I'll call you back ..... COOOOOOPER!!!!!!!!" .. Line goes dead .. I have no idea what is popping off, but I fear the worst ........

"I'm Vicki & I am NOT smarter than a 5 year old!" .................. Thanks Jax!

Jackson & I are driving to the Grandparents house, just chillin', talking, having a few minutes of one on one Momma / Jackson time - when out of left field the kid yanks the rug out from under me by basically letting me know I am a dumb ass (not in those exact words).  The conversation went like this:

Jackson: "Momma - can I open my Starburst?!"

Momma: "Jax, you havent had dinner, but since I want some too, go for it" - "I ONLY like the Yellow, Pink & Orange ones - nothing else, so just give me some of those."

Jackson: (long pause) "So - you don't want RED?"

Momma: "Yea - NO Red, you KNOW how I feel about Cherry flavoring."

Jackson: "Let me see if I understand you just told me you want, Yellow, Pink & Orange - I get that - But why did you need to tell me allllllll the colors you DO like - when you could have just said "I don't like Red" you told me 3 sentences more than you had to to get the flavors you like, since Red is the ONLY one you hate."

Momma: "Ummm .. (insert pause & dumbfounded look) .. Your RIGHT kiddo - I'm kinda an idiot."  "How do you know these things?  How did you get smarter than ME?"

Jackson: "Nick teaches me things!"

I'm not sure why this conversation effected my brain to the level it did, but I now will be permanently scared, thinking I am less intelligent than my 5yr old son!  He has yet to even go to school!  By the time he's in 4th grade I will feel downright retarded !!!

Dr. Jackson B. Sensabaugh

All is calm. The kid's are outside playing nicely with each other. Dad & I are discussing the local news over too sweet coffee, then all hell breaks loose!   Julianne can be heard screaming - as if she may die.  Jackson burst through the door announcing "I've got this - I just need a Band-Aid, for Julie".  Before Grandpa or I can react he has retrieved a Band-Aid & it back out the door in a flash.  No more than 2 minutes later Julie is in the kitchen, blood already seeping through her Band-Aid, freshly applied by 1 minute older Big Brother's First-Aid kit.  Dad & I come to a quick agreement, that this wound needs more than 5yr old Doctoring.  We remove the haphazardly applied treatment from her palm to find, loose skin, dirt & a rock along with blood & goo!  Gramp's  is better with this kinda thing than I - so I insist he take over care at this point.  Julie screams like a wild animal while Dad removes excess skin, cleans about half of the dirt out & re-bandages her!  We hope she won't have to have her hand amputated, but since Dr. Jackson did a botched job the 1st go round it's a toss up at this point!  <3

Just Stuff ..

Yesterday was a pretty good day, which is rare lately!  I had a job interview - hopefully the loooooved me!  Paid my seat belt ticket (Thanks Mom).  The twins were amazingly good all day yesterday!  Had dinner with some of my fav's - I cooked, not KiKi - so it was edible!  Dadda called last night, it was late - but the kid's were actually still awake.  Julie had happy tears streaming down her beautiful little face, Jackson told him all about starting T Ball.  It was amazing, to see my kiddo's fall asleep smiling from ear to ear!  *Sigh* Why does life have to be so hard?? .............................. Anyway - I had told the kid's last night on our way home how proud I was of them for being so good yesterday!  I had a moment of stupidity & promised them that IF I  get the job, when I get paid I will take them to "Build A Bear" & they can make whatever kind they want & pick out a rockin' outfit for their new buddy.  My MISTAKE - Why do I even bother try'n to be Super Momma?!  Today they are right back to their normal, everyday bullshit!!!  Fighting with each other.  Getting smart with me.  Julie kicking Jackson's plate of french fry's & ketchup out of his hand (Yes - I made fry's for breakfast - don't judge me!).  Jackson wailing that "Everyone HATE'S Me".  I need Xanax with my Coffee & it's only 9:38 am!  Happy Wednesday people!  Wish me Luck!

"MOM!! It's Hair"

Let's give you a little bit of background on what exactly is a "Hair".  Hair (AKA Chris) is my Bestie!  He's the Best (most of the time).  Hair likes spending time with his Family (ha - not so much).  He like cupcakes.  Hair is a the funniest person on the planet, he's excessively tall, and he has insane hair (thus the nickname). He's the worst babysitter ever.  Okay - there's your background!  

Driving down the road just like 10 minutes ago, there are *4* cop cars, blue lights & all.  Some poor kid is getting hooked & booked on the side of the road.  Julie is in the back seat & automatically screams "MOM!!!  That's HAIR", Momma starts laughing her ass off, "No Julz, just because that dude is really tall, has funny hair & looks like a stoner, that does NOT mean it's Hair - that's not Hair" ... To shut her up, I had to text my BFF to ensure he was indeed a free man, not currently being arrested on the side of the road!  No worries, he's not in jail - he's saving that for Easter Sunday!

Hair if your reading (you better be), I'd totally bail you out of jail!! 

If I don't feed them, they say they are calling CPS!

Why must my kids insist on eating so often?!  I mean damn, I went to Wal~Hell, I bought groceries!  We were hungry - so they even got 700lbs of JUNK FOOD!  Come home, let them play outside, give baths.  Then they demand I feed them too - apparently someone told them if I don't feed em' it's "Child Abuse" (Thanks for that MOM - I blame you!).  I give in & start to Microwave some of those super healthy chicken & smiley face fry things.  Anyway ..... While I'm "cooking" I hear them, on the porch talking to a man - super Momma runs to the door, of course they are talking to a COP (a real live police man) - he was telling them how lucky they were to not have to go to school on such a pretty day, they we're tellin him how their Momma refuses to feed them (assholes).  Have my kids not learned ANYTHING from me?!  NEVER NEVER NEVER willingly speak to Johnny Law!

Sleep .. Or in MY case the lack there of !!

Like most Momma's out there I am seriously sleep deprived .  The best sleep I've had in the past year was the other night at my friends Jenna & Justin's crib .. Sure I was passed out intoxicated, but I take quality sleep where I can get it!  Last night no booze + 3 wee ones = NO SLEEP!  Jackson giggled all night long.  Cooper farted, passed gas all night long.  And the most upsetting, Julianne - she told me as she was falling asleep that she was thinking about Jordan to help her sleep.  I adore Jordan, I really do, but my gosh - she's 5!!  What is gonna happen when she get's boobs & hormones?!  Sigh - I guess it's birth control at an early age for my miniature beauty!!

<3

Happy Birthday Manny !!

Today was my friend Victoria's Son Manny's 2nd Birthday (I THINK he's 2, irrelevant, I digress). Victoria has 3 kids all age 7 and under, a Hubby that has SUPER COOL hair. And Pet's.  I sometimes ask myself  "How does she do it all", today for instance at the party, she looked beautiful, she looked like she had showered, took the time to find clothes that matched, hair & makeup we're flawless. She had 7 Million people in her house, 6 Million of those people we're miniature (okay 15 kids + parents). .............  Sorry, had to take a bitch break - Jackson, Julz & Cooper may not make it thru the night! Where was I?!  .... Oh! The answer to my Question "How does she do it all" How do you keep your house clean, your kids looking fabulous, your husband from embarrassing the shit out of you in front of company all while pulling off a Birthday Bash?!?!  The answer: Vodka (for the big peeps) & A Giant Blow-Up INDOOR Bouncy thing (for those under 4'9).

P.S. - I didn't drink a drop (Imagine THAT).  I have got to teach Victoria to purchase DIET Soda!!

<3 Happy Birthday Manny <3

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!! Julie, !#@&%$! STOP!

Why MUST she speak in a whine?

What ~ it's not bad enough that she complains about every little thing from the moment she opens her eyes, until she closes them again at bedtime!  I have 3 kids, and Julie is the ONLY one who can send me from a bubbly, happy, blowing sunshine up everyone's asses mood - straight to "Momma Mega Bitch" mode in like 2.5 seconds!  

My Nicholas .. My 1st Born .. My Sainity .. My Heart !!

I'll start off by saying this .... Nicholas is an AMAZING 10yr old Kid!  I can't recall the last time I wanted to beat the daylights out of him!  He plays sport, he's a good student, he loves his Brother/Sister/Half Brother & Cousins loads ~ even though sometimes it seems, they strive to make his life hell!!

!!! PROUD MOMMA ALERT !!! 

Nicholas is in 4th Grade & today he came home with the news that he WON 1st Place in his school poster project about NO Smoking!

He is now the proud owner of a brand new MP3 player!!

(Awesomeness -Cause *I* don't have to buy it!) 

Way to Go Nick!! 

Momma Loves You 

(Even when you text me 17 time - back to back - From the flippin' sofa.)

Cooper !! My Adorable, Very Evil 4 yr old Nephew ... My Sister has Nerves of Frickin' Steel !

Again pulled from facebook from last week .. 

 

Cooper: "I don't like you Aunt Wikki - I want my Momma & she's NEVER gonna come get me" ...... Aunt Wikki: "Do you blame her Coop? I'd leave your ass places too" ...... My Aunt of the Year Award is in the mail!!

Watching my 4 yr old Nephew singing "Kiss" by Prince may be the funniest shit I have EVER witnessed!! .. He's now spun in to a "Baby" remix by Justin Bieber .. I may die ......... lol

 

Sibling Love!

It's been an insane past few weeks, so I'm just going to go ahead & bring you up to speed on just a few of their "REALLY KID?!?!"  antics!!

I have pulled these moments in my life from my facebook page, fresh randomness to come as the day progresses !!!!

Sitting here with the twins, Julianne is quite the smart mouth today (as usual) I just looked at her and said " Julie, I don't know what I'm gonna do with you" - Out of nowhere Jackson chimes in "You could hit her with a sledge hammer" ... Bahahaha !! Who say's you should start with the less drastic forms of punishment!

A Minute Inside Jackson's Head .... Jackson: "Mom, why do you like to play on your computer?" Me: "Because Jax, there is nothing else to do." Jackson: " Yes there is, you could buy a BIKE" ....

Jackson Giggling in his sleep ... Best . Sound . Ever ... He's awake .. And telling me about the dream that caused the sleep laughter .. So far I've heard about T Rex and Cupcakes .. My God, he's got to lay off the ACID before bed! ........................................ Later that day : dream update - i got the 411 when he got up this morning. apparently - there was a T Rex in a trailer with an old lady that had a gun - she said to T Rex, "come any closer & i'll blow your cupcakes right off"  WOW .. 

Jackson is currently beating the daylights out of Julie screaming "Tap Out - I said Tap Out" ........ Should I stop this - or make a video ?! ........ Fight Club Follow Up : Julz turned the tables on Jackson with the quickness!  He KNOWS better than to mess with her scrappy ass!  The blood loss was minimal - the video was deleted - I was scared it could be used as evidence in court .. :|

Jackson just woke Julie up from a dead sleep to ask her "Sissy - Can you Beat this World for Me on Mario?!" .. I'm kinda scared for his safely at this point ..

Jackson just proclaimed he's watching his "FAVORITE" show .. That's right - MY Boy is loving him sum Duke's of Hazzard !!! ♥ Some of us are just BORN with good taste !!!

 

Jackson is searching the house like a mad man looking for his "Starburst" . Being the amazing Momma I am, I join the search - there is no candy to be found in this bitch. He's pissed because now he cant "ride his scooter" at this point, I am damn near confused. I'm all "what the hell are you talking about kid" . "I need my stupid shoes Mom" . "OMG Jax - your shoes are CONVERSE - Starburst is a fruity CANDY" ... ♥

I'm running late - but this can't go unshared! I just ran upstairs for a quick shower, only to find last nights bath water still standing in the tub. Grr - So I put on my "I'm gonna take care of this bitch hat" & get to work. To my utter surprise I find a GOLF BALL lodged in the frickin' drain! Not a lot shocks me with 5yr old Twins, but this was a 1st! Who the hell bathes with golf balls anyway?! It has been removed from the drain, I've yet to start screaming at anyone (Go Me). But forget that Green Beer tonight - This Momma is having Tequila shots with Lime!!! ♥